Breaking Up the Fallow Ground:

~ True Story ~

My Journey from Religion
to Relationship ~

A person is as strong as the hardest trial they’ve been through.
~ Eushaunda Wells

Eushaunda Wells  – is a big kid at heart. She found her niche early in life: children. They love her and she loves them. She also loves education, painting, singing, dancing, drawing, music, language and culture.  She is very down-to-earth and personable. Remaining true to herself and maintaining a holistic lifestyle is important to the wellbeing of herself and her family.

Like Hadassah in the book of Esther, God granted me the strength to fight and win, even with little money, emotional support, or love – something any human being needs and desires to feel validated in this life. 

My dad, a pastor, and my husband, who was supposed be my emotional protector became my Hamon and Christ my King, as in the book of Esther/Hadassah.

On the surface, my story might look like a fairytale, one that’s envied and admired by both men and women. But behind every triumph was a wilderness season that only God and I truly know.

When I almost lost my family, I went before God with a righteous indignation. I reminded Him of His Word and boldly declared, “I am not eating until You fix this for me.”

Yes, God came through, but not in the way I expected. He didn’t just fix the situation, He fixed me. He changed my entire understanding of life, family, Spirit, people, and this world.

The lessons that Spirit began to teach me were loud and clear. I had challenged God with His own Word. “But God, Your Word says…” “My elders taught me…” “I can’t speak against your prophets and anointed…”

I could almost feel Him giving me the stank-eye. You see I gave my life to Christ at the very young age of three and our relationship had matured in a way where he even told me a joke. To which I was too shocked to even laugh.

Then Spirit whispered to me, “Who said they are my prophets and my anointed? For if they truly were, they would be doing the will of my Father.”

A lesson from my mother and Spirit —

One day, while mothering and homeschooling my six children and striving to be the best wife to the love of my life, my Marine husband who battles PTSD – though he won’t admit it, I looked back over my parents’ 50+ years of marriage and said to myself,  “Oh man, I want to be just like my mom.”

 Spirit immediately interrupted me, “Does that mean you want to go through everything she went through to become who she is?” I quickly recanted.

In that moment, Spirit revealed something deep – there’s a vast difference between what others see and what truly is; between the fantasy of someone’s life and the unseen weight they carry to become that person. Some people live their whole lives chasing that fantasy, constantly reaching for intangible dreams but never achieving anything that makes them feel whole or complete.

That dark hole of desire became the beginning of my transformation. It was from that space of questioning, crying, and seeking that I started asking things most are too afraid to ask. 

The questions that changed my life —

I began to ask questions: “Is God a woman or a man?” “Are we supposed to pay tithes and offerings?” “What were tithes and offerings, really?” “Are we even supposed to go to church?” “Is the Bible true?” “Why has society demonized women, people of color, and children?” “Should women get married?” “Can women minister?” “Are children truly a gift?” “What really happened in the Garden of Eden?”

 And, these weren’t all of my questions, but they opened a door to a new level of understanding. My journey is still unfolding and it’s been the hardest yet most rewarding nine years of my life.

When Christ spoke —

Spirit challenged me to think for myself: “Study to show yourself approved.” “Work out your own salvation.” “Save yourself from this untoward generation that patriarchy has created.”

Christ Himself reminded me that He was both a lion and a lamb, meaning we are called to be gentle, but only in safe spaces.

Then something happened that would change my life forever —

During an extended fast, I laid on my children’s trampoline, gazing up at the sky. As I prayed, I began to feel a deep ache in my spirit, as Christ’s own burden. He allowed me to feel how He felt about how the world was portraying Him, starting with His skin color and extending to how the church was mistreating the very people He came to save.

I wept from the depths of my soul as His Spirit asked: “Where are My daughters?” He revealed to me His deep love for women and children, and how both had been silenced, overlooked, and misrepresented. Then He began taking me through scripture, showing glimpses of female disciples, hidden in plain sight. These truths were always there, but intentionally covered, much like the truth of His identity.

He led me to the understanding that the Bible, as we have it today, was constructed like a jigsaw puzzle. Without Spirit-led guidance, we’d never truly see the full picture. That’s why He told me to read the New Testament starting at Matthew chapter 4, and reading only the red letters, the words of Yeshua Himself.

Unveiling truths hidden in plain sight —

During this journey, I discovered something that shook me: King James, the man who authorized the translation of the Bible we use today, also authored a book called Demonology. That revelation pierced me, it showed me how manipulation, politics, and even sorcery had been woven into sacred texts to keep God’s children spiritually blind and impoverished.

After I read all the red letters, Christ led me to His mission, written in the book of James and Luke 4:18-20, it seemed as if Christ came to deliver the underdogs: women and children, male and female, and any man with a contrite heart: “Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, to care for the widow and the fatherless, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world.”

That verse shattered years of religious bondage. I had come from an Apostolic Christian background – very strict, very orthodox – and this verse felt like freedom. For the first time, I realized Christ’s message wasn’t about submission and control. It was about compassion, community, and purity of heart.

I even began to see reflections of His teachings in Buddhist philosophy – peace, humility, compassion. And it made me wonder if Yeshua, during His hidden years, spent time learning from other wise teachers, bridging divine truths across cultures.

He showed me that His true name was Yeshua, not “Jesus,” because the letter “J” didn’t even exist when He walked the earth. His name in the ancient Aramaic tongue, the same language found in the Dead Sea Scrolls, was Yeshua, written in the Afro-Aramaic language, Ge‘ez. The Jews in Israel today are not the same lineage as the ancient Israelites, and so much of history has been rewritten to confuse and control us – to hide our divine heritage.

The weight women carry —

At one point, I even questioned why women endure such pain in childbirth. Spirit showed me it’s deeper than biology, it’s spiritual and psychological. I believe it’s a burden placed on women since Eden, compounded by generations of men who refused to carry their share of the emotional and spiritual weight. Instead of being our protectors, many have become our accusers. That generational trauma has embedded itself epigenetically, passed down through DNA, manifesting even in labor pains/“sorrow” = a feeling of deep distress caused by loss, disappointment, or other misfortune suffered by oneself or others (Genesis 3:16).

But the truth is that women were never the curse but empowered like Hadassah (Gen 3:15-16). Yeshua said sin came into the world by one man (Romans 5:12&19). Yet the church has long blamed the woman. Patriarchy distorted the story to make Eve the villain. She was actually the beginning of redemption, I believe, as a seeker of knowledge and awakening.

Breaking the ground —

During that same season, I began gardening. I didn’t know it then, but Spirit was teaching me through the soil. The ground where I lived would harden like cement after it dried, so I had to break it up, deeply, and mix it with peat moss and topsoil so that the roots could grow strong. Spirit told me this represented the heart of most devoted churchgoers.

I had to break up the fallow ground, the hardened parts that no longer allowed love or truth to take root. I learned that you must pull weeds while they’re small, or they’ll choke out the good plants. It’s the same with problems in relationships, parenting, and within ourselves. If we don’t address them early, they attach themselves to the good within us, and when we finally try to remove them, we risk damaging the very people or blessings we’re trying to protect.

That’s why Christ calls us to vigilance. I believe, even at night, the enemy plants weeds while we sleep (Matt 13:25). So now, I pray the whole armor of God over my children and home especially at night .

What I’ve learned so far —

Let us go back to my original questions: “Is God a man or a woman?” God is Spirit, both masculine and feminine, energy in perfect balance. The ultimate Alpha, yet also the nurturing Mother.

“Should we pay tithes and offerings?” God puts a greater emphasis on giving one to another so no one goes without (Matt 25:35-46).

“Should we go to church?” Christ asked me this Himself, with attitude: “What? Know ye not that your body is the temple of God?” “God dwelleth not in temples made by man’s hands.” “When they say Lo here and lo there is Christ, believe them not, for the Kingdom of Heaven is within you.”

Today I stand, transformed—

Today I stand before you, changed – a woman renewed and redefined by the Spirit of the loving God. My heart is now focused on the sick, the shut-in, the homeless, and those in need – the motherless, the fatherless, and the forgotten. For those who know the truth of your struggle self-care can be an unspoken testimony of God grace, love, mercy and provision . We cannot neglect our bodies and others, his temple, and claim to love God.

This doesn’t mean we have to be the richest or most powerful people in the world. It simply means we are responsible for what God places in our hands. Whether it’s a warm meal, a comforting hug, a kind word, or a listening ear – it’s our duty to see the God in everything  Christ created… Because if we want God to see Himself in us and love us, we must “do unto others as I would have Christ do unto us. Self-care is not optional, it’s sacred.

For I believe we, as women, are the bride of Christ – a reflection of divine beauty, compassion, and strength. Never let anyone take that truth from you. You are not called to be weary, broken, or unseen. You are called to be whole, radiant, and renewed.

A final reflection —

If there’s one thing this journey has taught me, it’s that God doesn’t need us to be perfect, He needs us to be participants. Participants in His will, participants in love towards our own selves and others.

Breaking up the fallow ground means allowing Spirit the freedom to flow through the hardened spaces of our heart and mind, in order to uproot and dislodge bitterness, fear, and loyalty to a society that has caused us to become reclusive and hide our light.

I am still learning, still healing, and still being made new. But one thing is certain, what God breaks, He rebuilds better. What He burns away, He replaces with light. And what He teaches through Spirit will always bear fruit that glorifies Him.

Today, I walk not in religion, but in “relationship” – and that has made all the difference.

Love,
Eushaunda